Its so crazy the ebb and flow of things these days. You’re on the brink of something huge, something profound…then late at night once again dwelling on simple crap…small stuff. Like Beck said in Midnight Vultures, “theres so much to do…before we dieeeeee…”. I guess the purpose of this blog is for the general public to peek into who I really am, cutting out the emotional middleman of BS.
Usually my persona is one of laughter, benders, music, and never ending weekends, and what you see is what you get. When I am out among friends, that’s pretty much where I’m at. But now I’m home. Just me & the oak trees and this big long list of things my assistant is supposed to be doing…. if I had an assistant. Oh come on….who wants to listen to this whining? Instead, im going to do a top 5.
Top 5 most ridiculous things of the week:
I get called by creditors almost every day now. Many days, I get multiple calls. They range from really understanding to obscene threatening. The woman who called on Friday said that if i didnt give her 1500 dollars that very moment, she would be forced to take legal action. I laughed. She said “You can laugh all you want, Mr. Steehaaleeieen, but im not letting you off this phone until you make me a reasonable offer!” I said I’d be glad to pay her 20 dollars a month for the rest of my life. That was when she blew her top and started yelling.
- A small branch of the Rithma Road Show played at a friend of a friend’s wedding on the beach in Santa Barbara over the weekend. The deal was- Rithers would DJ, Nica would sing. I thought it would be both fun and educational to be a real wedding DJ…you know – bring a wide variety of music, take requests from the crowd, maybe take it out into bassland here & there, but when i heard back from the bride, “NO” she said. “Im giving you 5 CDs worth of music, and a list. Youre going to play the music off the CDs in the order listed.” The classic Rithma moment was me eating top notch steak & salmon, sitting down, playing songs off of Itunes over the soundsystem that I brought. What makes that even remotely funny, you might ask? This was one of the highest paying gigs I’ve ever had.
On the way home from the wedding, Jadeylove & I stopped in Ventura for some Coffee & smokes. It was late, and upon pulling out of Starbucks (I wouldn’t support evil if they didnt make excellent coffee) I flipped a boo-yah to get back on the main road. Right when I was almost turned around, I was staring at a fairly pretty girl cop, who looked fairly pissed off.
“That wasnt too smart” she said, with a look that could melt steel. And not the cold, butch cop look. It was the look of someone who once loved me to whom I did very wrong. We had a staring contest for what felt like a very long time, a full emotional battle using only our eyes.
“Sorry”. I lowered my eyes and dipped my spoon back into my yogurt, then back into my mouth – kind of like when youre a little kid and you want to look sad.
“I wouldnt eat while youre driving, either” she snapped. “and are you wearing your seatbelt?”
“Lets See It!”
I reached around and pulled the seatbelt from behind my back, a moronic, shamed bastard.
“Thats three tickets…you want any more????!!!!!!”
I dont even know what I mumbled at that point, but she snapped one more look in and gunned her oversized cop car up the street and into my memory. I stuck my fist in the air, pulled it back quickly, and hissed “yesssss!” Actually thats not true. I pretty much was almost crying due to sleep deprivation until my Jadey helped me dust myself off.
I left the Soundwave Festival in a 4 seater cessna plane (okay that was more than a week ago, but who cares about time frames when its
comedy). Ketamine surely removes all fear from any situations, and the pilot was encouraging us to do as many illicit things in the back of his plane as possible, cause he loves the stories. We swapped AA bateries from his GPS to my camera, I forget which one we were trying to make work. I watched the beautiful oceanic world splooge together like liquid puzzle pieces beneath me, then melt into the window like the mirror scene in The Matrix. Then my attention was drawn to Mr. Control Tower squelching through the radio in my headphones. “You better turn around” he said “If you keep flying west over the pacific, youre gonna get chased down by fighter planes”
We didnt have the proper instruments to fly right through the clouds, so the pilot cranked us down and towards the mainland. (Make the airplane sounds with your lips: brrrrr-r-r-r-r) We flew the winged VW Bug 1000’ over the water, through humongous canyons and over logging roads, caught a thermal, which is a rising bubble of hot air, up into the sunshine. When we finally touched down in Victoria, I rode in the bed of the pilots pickup truck back into town, laying low so we didn’t get pulled over. I cant remember how many times i yelled “I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!” that day.
Im going to forefit thing #1 so i can get some sleep. Why do i always end stories saying i want to go to sleep? Someone find me an assistant.